Hello my name is Isaac Benson and in this post i am going to help you deal with heartbreaks. more specifically, I’m going to explain why the other person broke up with you or cheated on you. This explanation is going to make you feel a lot more better probably i hope
WHAT IS HEART BREAK?
Many of us have been there: hearing the words, “It’s not you, it’s me,” or, “Maybe we should just be friends.” Others have dealt with the death of a loved one or role model. And while each end to a relationship is unique (to be sure, a breakup and a lost of life are drastically different experiences), one feeling is common: heartbreak. Unfortunately no Band-Aid can heal this one.
Heartbreak Really Does Hurt—The Need-to-Know:
Heartbreak is a term used to describe crushing grief, anguish, and distress, often due to the pains and strains of love. The experience of heartbreak can be so intense that some scientists suggest it feels the same as physical pain. In one study, people showed similar brain activity when they viewed a photo of a former love and when they felt extreme heat on their arm.
Heartbreak can be so intense that some scientists suggest it feels the same as physical pain.
In fact, it might even be true that people can die of a broken heart. Early bereavement (the period of mourning after a death) is associated with increased blood pressure and heart rate, which can raise cardiovascular risk . Another study of people who recently lost their spouse found the stress involved with mourning upped the risk of dying from a heart attack by 20 to 35 percent. Looks like heartbreak really can hurt.
When someone breaks up with us, or they cheat on us, we automatically assume something is wrong with us, or something about us is not good enough for them. That creates a feeling of hurt. And it often creates anger towards them when we believe they did something wrong. So, there is some truth to the idea that you aren’t good enough, but not the truth that you think it is
THE FIRST ACTION PLAN..Discover why you entered the relationship
Are your priorities clearly set? DO you know or can you tell for certainty why u entered a particalar relationship.
In order to see why they broke up with you, or why they cheated on you, you first need to clearly understand why you were in the relationship, why you entered into the relationship in the first place, and why you stayed in the relationship. And the simple answer is because you believed it would make your dreams come through.hopefully raising a family.
You will agree with me that as humans, What we want in life more than anything else is peace and happiness
Take a moment seat back and evaluate things properly, By asking the following..
1,What do i want most in life?
2,What do i want more than anything else?
3,What is the number one most important thing to me in life?
And you may come up with different answers like getting closer to God, success, wealth, love, marriage, relationship, and the likes. But now let me ask you a back up question – how do you hope to feel when you get what you want? Well, you hope that it will make you feel peaceful, happy, whole, sufficient, right?
The established truth is that there is something of utmost importance to you, what you want more than anything else is just peace and happiness. The fear of suffering from anxiety, insecurities, worry, anger, resentment, all that sort of stuff. You just want to live in peace, that’s it. And you have all these different ideas of what will bring you peace.
You enter into a relationship just because you hope it will make you happy
You may think what I want most is a relationship, marriage, kids, or whatever. But trust me,i make bold to tell you that, that is not what you want most,it only the means to get what you want or your destination.
let make an example, you may think you really need to catch up a drink in a given time. You obviously don’t want a drink, you want the feeling you hope the drink will give you –The pleasure gain. You think you want the drink, but the truth is you really want the pleasure gain. If the drink didn’t give you pleasure, you wouldn’t want it. So the same is true for your relationships – you enter into a relationship for one purpose and only one, to make you happy. simple.
Granted we can’t tell for sure which relationship will guaranty us relative peace and happiness because total peace today is not achievable. As we know that not all relationship will fail.
But if i present you with this options..
– Be in a relationship and be worried, angry, fighting, insecure all the time, or be single and be happy and in peace and feel complete. just for the purpose of example, I’m just saying, if those were your two only options, which would you choose? Well, it’s an easy choice, isn’t it? You choose peace and single over suffering and a relationship.
This proves that what you really want is peace, not a relationship. Relationship is the means. Okay?
talking from experience, over the years i have heard people tell me they wished they were single, when i ask what was the reason for saying that, some told me the singles are better off, because what they wanted was a relationship that could help them stay in peace and happy, but its unfortunate that the reserve was the case…so you can see that relationship is only a means to being happy and in peace and not happiness in itself.
Do not forget that am trying to help see how you can break free from heartbreak and be completely free as air
WHY RELATIONSHIPS LEAD TO SOME HAPPINESS:
Like i said earlier,what the relationship actually gave you was moment of pleasure or pleasure gain , and moment of suffering remembering that there is no perfect relationship. And just the general, broad sense of lack in between, right? Imagine, there was moments of pleasure, you had so much fun together.
But then you went right back to the thoughts that create your anxiety, worry, shame, all that other stuff. Right? So what happens is when you’re in a relationship, you get some positive thoughts out of it – it means I’m worthy, I’m lovable, it means my life isn’t missing something because at least I’m not single.
It gives you excitement, which most people refer to as love. Excitement about the future – “I finally found the one to make me happy”. But that’s not love though, that’s a thought about the future.
WHY THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF DIDN’T MAKE YOU HAPPY:
When you’re entertained, then your attention isn’t on your thoughts, so you’re happy. But if the other person actually was making you happy, actually, then at any moment you were with them, you would have no choice but to be happy. But that’s not the case, is it? At some moments you’re with them, you’re happy, and at some moments when you’re with them, you’re not happy,because you are actually wrestling and struggling with lots of thoughts that is making you very unstable and confused.so it depends on what thoughts are in your head. However if you think or know that your relationship has made you forgot all the thoughts that makes u sadness,then Bravo. Smiles…
A RELATIONSHIP CAN’T MAKE YOU HAPPY:
The Point. The most crucial question, can anyone possibly delete the thoughts in your head, whether they are thoughts making you Happy or Sad In other words, can another human being make you peaceful and happy?
You see, when we ask the question, “What can make me happy?” We look at happiness as if it is something given to us, like a cloth to wear, If I just find the right person, the right thing, it will give me happiness as if happiness is external.
But we need to reverse the question, “What makes me unhappy?” i know we are thinking fast now.. Thoughts, Yes. Thoughts create worries about others’ opinions, views. Thoughts create anxiety about the future, thoughts create anger, resentment, sadness, insecurity, shame,jealousy and envy just name it, it’s all thoughts. So when you’re asking can human make me happy, what you’re really asking is, can another human being delete all the thoughts in my head? Or any of them perhaps. No, it can’t. Because as humans we have our won limitations…Humans in general are limited.. And so only God almighty can guaranty us complete and total peace and happiness, and when we know this ,it will better our relationship with others.
If you believe a thought that says, “My life is incomplete because I’m single,” then when you enter a relationship, yes, you will lose that thought. But now you will have new thoughts. Thoughts about losing them, Thoughts about if they still love you, Thoughts about if they’re with somebody else. It’s not like being in a relationship can give you the happiness and peace that you want. Guess its clearer now? It’s very important to see that.
They broke up with you because you couldn’t make them happy
You couldn’t make them happy because you are a human being – not because you aren’t good enough
So you think, “Oh no, that means I’m not good enough. I couldn’t make them happy.” And that is true, you couldn’t make them happy, but neither can any human being. You think there’s something insufficient about you, wrong about you, lacking about you, that you couldn’t fulfil them or make them happy. Nobody can make somebody else happy, because nobody can delete the thoughts in somebody else’s head. The moment we start to understand and appreciate this fact of reality the better we become, Knowing that as humans, the best we can do is manage each other and dont expect too much of each other.
You see, we think that the job of a partner, the job of a Date mate, a husband or a wife is to make the other person happy,granted it is,but we want to know that there is limits to what we can get ,and we want to learn to appreciate and not expecting more than is necessary. however if our mate fails at that, that might make you think you’re incomplete, wrong, and all that. But that’s not true. It is a job that’s doomed for failure. If someone enters into a relationship with you, hoping that they can make you happy 100%, you are doomed for failure. You will never succeed at that, how could you? All you can do is give them a nice distraction, give them some fun.
Thoughts live with us each day of our life, as much as happy anyone can make you feel,the truth remains that you are still going to go back to some thoughts if not all, thoughts about insecurities, shame, feelings of lack, problems at work, all the judgements about you by your mate because you’re not going to match every definition of perfect they have in their head. There will always be things that they think is wrong, and even if you were perfect in every way according to them, even if you made them so unbelievably happy when you were together, then the big one, they’re going to have bigger anxiety about losing you, bigger worries about you cheating, bigger worries about everything with regards to the relationship, right? Which means they aren’t happy, which means they need escape, they need to escape their thoughts.
They just assume they’re not happy because something is incomplete about the other person, they’re not the right fit, something is wrong. So we go from guy to guy, girl to girl, hoping the next one will be the right one to make me happy. It’s really a joke, we never realise, “Wait, I’m not addressing the thoughts in my head. I’m looking to another human being to delete my own thoughts that I’m not even willing to look at.” Know it that they broke up with you because they don’t realise thoughts make them unhappy and sad
Some have the logical believe that sex will make them happy or been with another person will make them feel better, the truth remains that its your thoughts that are deceiving you and not your mate you claim is making you unhappy.
So dear friends and readers,If you’re really honest about the relationship, you will see, they didn’t give you peace and happiness. They gave you pleasure gain, just as seeing a movie, listening to a new song, eating and drinking , going to beach to see the sun rise. whatever it is that gave u the pleasure gain, but that is not what you want most. What you want is peace, freedom, happiness, to feel complete, no anxiety, stress, anger, sadness, all this other stuff. That’s what you want, not a relationship.
Mind you, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship, of course you can have a relationship, there’s no harm in it whatsoever. But if you’re using the relationship as the source of your happiness, you’re just going to fail, and you’re just going to get angry at the other person or thinking something’s wrong with you, because it doesn’t work. Ever.
conclusively dear readers, dealing with a heartbreak or breakup is fighting that negative thoughts that makes you think he or she left you because you cant make them happy or that something is wrong with you, that he finds in the other person, because that new person will stil not give them happiness if they fail to address the thoughts that makes them stay unhappy.
Please i like to ask what your thought is or opinion as regards this topic, i may be wrong or right,depending on what your views are. I we appreciate it if you can share with me your experiences so that others can benefit from your wealth of experience.
It will be my greatest delight that this blog about dealing with heartbreak or breakup was helpful for you. If you would like more personalised help with your situation, I would be glad to help you to quickly get over your heartbreak or breakup.
Hello, in this blog post I’m going to talk to you about how to deal with loneliness. I am often asked to help people to stop feeling lonely. When this happens, I often see that they’re confused about the cause of their loneliness. Or, in other words, they don’t really understand what’s causing their loneliness. So therefore, when they try to make themselves stop feeling lonely, they’re not really addressing the cause of their loneliness. In order to understand how to deal with loneliness, we first need to be very clear about what’s causing the loneliness.
Dealing With Loneliness
Loneliness is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation or lack of companionship. Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connection or communication with other beings, both in the present and extending into the future. As such, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people. The causes of loneliness are varied and include social, mental, emotional or even physical factors.
Research has shown that loneliness is widely prevalent throughout society among people in marriages, relationships, families, veterans and successful careers. It has been a long explored theme in the literature
of human beings since classical antiquity.
People can experience loneliness for many reasons and many life events may cause it, like the lack of friendship relations during childhood and adolescence, or the physical absence of meaningful people around a person. At the same time, loneliness may be a symptom of another social or psychological problem, such as chronic depression.
So what’s causing your loneliness? Well, what do you think is causing it? If you are single, you probably think that your loneliness is a factor of you not having a romantic partner. And if you’re in a relationship, you probably think it’s caused by your partner not loving you, not appreciating you enough, or having the wrong partner.A lot of things can make us feel lonely and we are going to consider them during the cause of this study and see how we can break from from feeling lonely completely.
In doing this let us see the things that are likely to make us feel lonely.
Brain Drill 1:
Does being alone cause loneliness?
Does being alone cause loneliness? Well, take a very good look at your life. Are you lonely in every moment that you’re alone? Or do you sometimes not feel lonely when: you’re engaged actively away from your thoughts, you’re seeing a movie, playing sports, eating good food, cooking,going to beach and watching the sun rise, dancing, playing with kids, or doing something fun? When you are distracted and engaged you almost certainly don’t feel lonely. This is because in those moments you’re just not thinking about how you are alone.
If being alone caused loneliness, then you wouldn’t be able lose this loneliness simply by catching fun with yourself
Brain Drill 2
Is everyone that’s alone, Really lonely?
Is everyone that’s alone, really lonely? certainly not. If being alone created loneliness then everyone that is alone would feel lonely. Can you see that? In addition, if being alone created loneliness then anyone who was not alone wouldn’t be able to feel lonely. This would mean that everyone who finds him or her self is in a relationship wouldn’t be able to feel lonely. Yet that’s not the case. Many people in relationships feel lonely. I speak to these people all the countless times
Having establiseh that people in relationship feel lonely , then clearly being alone isn’t the cause of loneliness. And that clearly means that being in a relationship with someone isn’t the antidot for loneliness.
Brain drill 3: Does the lack of being loved create loneliness?
Does the lack of being loved create loneliness? Well, let take a critical look.
Are you loved? Do your family love you? Do your friends love you? If it aplies, does your romantic partner love you? The truth remains that, there are probably people who love you. But yet, you still feel lonely.
If being loved got rid of loneliness, then you wouldn’t feel lonely. Let make a case study, there are many famous pop stars that have millions of people that follows them on popular social platforms,who also get very emotional when they watch them on stage, Many have even resulted in having this stars tattooed on there body and they display strong love or affinity for them and adore them. Yet we often see in documentaries and interviews that they feel unhappy and lonely… which often motivates them to go on hard drugs.
This is one clear evidence that being loved doesn’t cure loneliness and that not being loved can’t be the cause of loneliness.
What is then causing us the feelings of loneliness
THOUGHT.. OUR THOUGHTS HAS BEEN CONVICTED TO BE RESPONSIBLE TO THE FEELINGS OF LONELINESS
And we are going head on ,leaving no room to sentence it right away , so dear readers, seat back and relax, we are going to do justice it together.
The previous brain drill clearly shows that none of the things that seem to be causing loneliness actually do. The only thing that causes loneliness is our own thoughts.
Therefore, the answer to the question of “How to deal with loneliness?” is to address the thoughts the believes that create your loneliness.
But then,what thoughts are creating this loneliness? Well that depends. There are a few different types of thoughts that cause loneliness. speaking at large, there is one major thought for single people and for those in relationships.
The Specific Thoughts That Cause Loneliness For Single People
How to deal with loneliness for single people: It has become general view and also tuaght in our society, media, family circle, and our friends to believe that: “being in a relationship would make us happy”, “being in a relationship would make me feel complete”, “I should be in a relationship and get married”. And as soon as we create this fantasy in our heads,heart and minds,then we start comparing our reality to the fantasy. In an instant, The sweet moment is unconsciously judged to be completely incomplete, lacking, and not good enough. And these thoughts are what create our loneliness.
So having a fantasy about what you think will make you happy, creates loneliness in an instant. As we all know, this leaves us in the dark , and then we resort to search for someone to love us. This also leads to increased fears and anxiety that we will never find who to love us or someone to be with. So the point is this,when you arae single , you bound to believe or think that you are lonely as a result of not finding a relationship, if that is the case we will also give attention to, if being a relationship can solve the problem. It has long been proven that when u blieve that being in a realatonship is ideal,then you will inherently believe that being single is incomplete …And that belief that thought will create feelings of loneliness.
Can A Relationship Be All That You Need To Be Complete And End Feeling Lonely?
To understand what can make you happy, first, you need to identify and understand what’s causing your unhappiness.
Then we will have directional focus as to what is making us lonely, and so far so good: thoughts cause your unhappiness. Here are some of the most common thoughts that make you unhappy: judgements about yourself, insecurities, thoughts about what people think and say about us, anxiety about the future, judgement about situations in our life, judgement about people in your life, negative thoughts about “bad” events from our past experience, resentment towards the people in our life, and feeling guilty about the past. All this creates our unhappiness, and lack of self fulfilment.
At this point i think the questions we need to ask yourself, isn’t “Can a relationship make me happy?”, rather “Can a relationship eliminate the thoughts the believes that make me unhappy?” Take a break seat back and think if spending time with someone you love or enjoy being with could eliminate all the unwanted thoughts mentioned above.
It is very clear and established that a relationship itself doesn’t have the ability to make us happy as people promise to make us happy as the birds..Granted a relationship can’t make you happy because it can’t get rid of your insecurities, judgement,anxieties,anger,guilt,sadness,and everything else that makes you unhappy.However i am not discouraging anyone from being in a relationship, what am saying is do not expect too much of the relationship to treat all that has been mentioned above, that might leave us very disappointed and lonely.
You Can Be Happy Now… Even If You’re Single
How to deal with loneliness: Well, lets look at happiness as acquired or achieved. Hopefully if we got “this” and “that” we’d be happy. Happiness is what remains when we lose thoughts that make us unhappy. That’s it. If you can see that a relationship doesn’t have the ability to make you happy, then you can stop giving so much attention to your fantasy about how wonderful it would be if you were in a relationship. Whether you’re in a relationship or you’re single doesn’t affect your happiness; only thoughts do.
So being single or by ourselfs can never make us unhappy or sad, only our very thoughts do. For this reason please never try to worry yourself more than is neccessary because you are single , trust me you are not at dsiadvantage of any sorts at all that will make you stay unhappy. Instaed i urge you to sort out ways of geeting reed of those thoughts and believes that cause you feeling lonely, unhappy and moody each time. I tell you for certainty you we see the lonely naturally disappear into tin air( smiles).
However if you are presently in a realationship and still feels lonely, you are not alone.
How to deal with loneliness for people in relationships: A large percentage of the married people that come to me for sessions often complain to me of feeling lonely. The reason being that they fail to understand that relationship is not and never the reason why we feel happy or unhappy..
How do i mean, you can be in a relationship that gives you all the care, love and time , yet you feel lonely at one point or the other. perhaps as a result of stories that make you feel unhappy can bring feelings of loneliness , or thinking back to past events can create feelings of loneliness.
like was said, even our mate love us, we might decide “They don’t love me enough”, “They don’t appreciate me enough”, “They don’t spend enough time with me”, “They’re not intimate enough with me”, “They don’t cuddle enough”, “They’re not close enough”, or “They spend too much time at work”. We blame the loneliness on all of these things, as if they are the cause of our loneliness. But none of these things cause loneliness. Yes non of them cause loneliness, rather the feeling of lack , the thought and believe of lack in those areas cause us loneliness.
And the easy way to see that is to just look. In a moment when you’re by yourself, and you’re not with your partner, are you always lonely in these moments? If not being with your partner created this loneliness then every moment that you’re weren’t with them, you would feel lonely.
If your partner not being intimate enough with you created loneliness, then every moment that you weren’t intimate, you would be lonely. But clearly that’s not the case. Sometimes you feel lonely, sometimes you don’t. What happens is that there are specific stories that create loneliness. And when you tell these stories, the loneliness comes. But when you don’t tell those stories, there is no loneliness.
Loneliness can also be seen as a social phenomenon, capable of spreading like a disease. When one person in a group begins to feel lonely, this feeling can spread like fire, increasing everybody’s risk for feelings of loneliness. People can feel lonely even when they are surrounded by other people. This is a serious matter, because loneliness can even lead one into committing suicide, so we want to do all we can to fight this menace
When we are judgemental, over critical and always blaming them overly , it create a vacuum in our heart about them not been good enough, the feeling of lack for us and that is loneliness knocking on the door, we must learn not to expect too much of our mates, rather we want to always encourage each other and see the good in each other and always allow for room for improvement,knowing that as humans we all have limitations, we want to be patient with our mates, we want to give a helping hand at all time necessary. When we follow through this part we will fight the feelings of loneliness.
Please i like to ask what your thought is or opinion as regards this topic, i may be wrong or right,depending on what your views are. I we appreciate it if you can share with me your experinces so that others can benefit from your wealth of experience.
I HOPE THIS BLOG POST WAS TIMELY AND WITH FAR REACHING EFFECT, PLS IF YOU WANT FURTHER DISCCUSSIO ON THIS TOPIC OR ONE ON ONE SESSION DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT ME , I WE BE GLAD TO HELP YOU.