Hello, my name is Isaac Benson. I’m going to talk about how to deal with anger and how to manage anger so that it does not go out of proportion. In recent past, people come to me with all different types of issues on anger management. During my careful examination, i have come to see that it hangs mostly on three beliefs. Three thoughts that are creating all of this anger.
Before we hit the road explaining these three beliefs and how to deal with them, I just want to point out that often times when people are asking how to deal with anger, they actually want to keep their anger. So before we talk about how to deal with the anger, I’m just going to point out a few reasons why it’s not useful to keep your anger and i want to appeal to our hearts and mind not to hold on to Anger because its very destructive.
What Is The Meaning Of Anger?
Anger or wrath is an emotional reaction or intense emotional response that impacts the body. A person experiencing anger will also experience physical conditions, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and nor-adrenaline.
The external expression of anger can be found in facial expressions, body language, physiological responses, and at times public acts of aggression.This narrows down to three believes or thoughts that are creating all this anger. let see how. Granted, all of us know what anger is,and at one point of our life we’ve all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Controlling anger before it controls you:
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This blog post is meant to help you understand and control anger.
Keeping Anger As Punishment Or Revenge Isn’t Helpful:
people tend to keep their anger because they feel if they punish someone, either with their bad attitude, their anger or through actions, they get to feel that life is more fair that way. Often time you hear people say If you do me i do you, so in essense, they think it’s unfair if the person that hurt them don’t get punished. But if you punish someone with your attitude or your actions, you’re just creating more suffering for yourself, because now you feel guilty about it, it doesn’t feel nice to act unlovingly, obviously. And in addition, that’s not your role to create punishment for others, you can do better than creating punishment for others.
Why Using Anger To Get What You Want Isn’t Helpful:
Another reason why people resort to keep their anger is because they believe that it helps them to get what they want. They believe “if I get angry at them, they will make it more likely for them to get want they want from them”. So in other words, we use anger as a form of manipulation. And we seem to learn that from our parents,
When our parents yelled at us and got angry at us, we at once do what they want. So what they teach us is, getting angry gets you what you want.
Therefore, we get angry at our partner or colleague in the office or anyone else in order to try to scare them or guilt them into doing what we want. And that’s not a good way of life, not a nice way to interact with others, and it’s often much less effective than exploring the act of kindness in getting what we want, especially in the long run. That’s just a couple of the reasons.
So now that we’ve looked at why people want to stay angry often, let’s look at how to deal with anger. So the three common beliefs that create anger are.
The Three Beliefs That Create Anger:
1,What someone did is bad
2,The outcome of what they did is bad.
3,They are to blame for what they did.
This are all functions of our thought and believes, that they ought not to have acted that way or this way , and we fail to realise that some times, peoples actions are often influenced and controlled by some factors unknow to us, which if we dont give proper attention to we make us act wrongly.. let make an example
If some walks up to you on a lonely part and get you to give him your jewlries with a knife in his hand, you obviouly not waste time to to that, and off he goes .. You surely feel bad and hurt and you wish the police caught up with him and make him face the law. Giving attention to what has just happened is making u have so many thoughts and believes in your head.
Now look at this, on another occassion this person returns to you again and tell you, pls am sorry about what happened the other day, i know you dont remember me , i am the man who got you to give me your jewlries, as a matter of fact, that particular day someone was somewhere watching us and i had not do what i was told to do or would have been shot dead and then u express shock ,that you never knew all this was happening . So we can see that the guy did not just rob us, rather he was influnced and scared of dying
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. Even the bible gives us this sterling advice… proverbs 17 vs 14, which says befor we are ovetaken by anger we should take our leave
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behaviour (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticising everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behaviour, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and also know the thoughts and believes that is making us angry, and we will see the Anger subsides. Please do not fail to contact me on further discussion
Please i like to ask what your thought is or opinion as regards this topic, i may be wrong or right,depending on what your views are. I we appreciate it if you can share with me your experiences so that others can benefit from your wealth of experience.